How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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