i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
