I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
