I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
