i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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