do herpes really smell.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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