I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
