The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
