my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize