What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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