unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize