yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
