Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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