Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
