roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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