He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
