you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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