"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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