eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
