I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
