He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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