When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
