if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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