Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
