i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I got inside last night via doggy door
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize