So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
