I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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