can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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