like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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