I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
