worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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