Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
