Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
