I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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