Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize