haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
