wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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