I looked at my own cervix.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
