i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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