I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
