My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
