Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
