It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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