I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
