PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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