apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
