I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
