Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
They have beer where we have blood.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
