haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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