How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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