She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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