There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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