your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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