Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
