i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize