I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
