I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
God, I missed his penis.
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