When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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