im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
