I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
