I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
