I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
