Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
