We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
