I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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